


uncertainty is hell

by if_my_classmates_find_this_im_screwed (onetwothree_pleaseendme)



Series: sburbian shitstorm [1]
Category: Homestuck, Original Work
Genre: A Panic Attack, SBURB Fan Session, i think, there's a line about the character wanting to die, yeah i have no other tags for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 02:00:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12048978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onetwothree_pleaseendme/pseuds/if_my_classmates_find_this_im_screwed
Summary: they keep reassuring you, saying that even though you weren't exactly brought into the world how a normal human child is, you're still human.you don't buy it. but maybe you should, because it's perfectly believable and reasonable, but you have no idea how anyone could wrap their head around this, that some paradox goo was what created them, that you destroyed a huge area when your meteor landed, maybe killed a lot of people, and oh, the floor's closer than you think it should be.





	uncertainty is hell

you sit and you stare and you almost fucking cry because you're sitting and you're staring and you're scared and on the verge of tears.

"i'm human," you whisper, kneeling on the floor, your head close enough to touching it that your forehead feels its coolness, eyes shut tight, tears refusing to exit, panic in your throat, 

"i'm human," a desperate bid to convince yourself again, to deny, to forget and to repress and to convince whoever is in front of you and the glare, the glare of the tiles and the bright light above you hurt your eyes so you shut them tight, and you gasp so harshly your lungs protest, with eyes closed enough that the tears won't spill, enough that patterns that confuse and terrify you flash in the back of your eyelids, 

"i'm human," a small child of thirteen or fourteen or fifteen you can't remember anymore, how old are you, how long have you _been_ here, it's too cold too fucking cold and there's no wind you don't know where the cold is coming from but you wish- your jacket's sleeves aren't enough, you aren't enough, you aren't enough and you never will be, your eyes are open and something's wet on your face and slipping down and you look up and it's dark and it's raining, but your eyes hurt and you continue staring at the ground because looking up would have been a bad idea, anyway, the light is too bright and you might hurt your eyes, you say, 

"i'm human," and you don't believe it but you have to be, because you've spent years here establishing your humanity, defying and following the game so you could hold on to yourself and your origins and where you came from, your morals oh your morals, your insistence that you do not kill, but you killed too many people just by arriving at your planet, and, but-

"i'm human," you insist, shaky hand clutching at your shirt desperately, you want to die so badly just to somehow prove it, you're not breathing you're not sure if you can anyway, so why not, and your gut and your chest are burning and feel too empty and too full and you're scared, you're so scared, you have to be human, you and your friends are some oversight of the game none of you were ectobiologically made so you're human, you're human you're human you're human-

you're human. they tell you you're human, and they're your team member, so why can't you trust them?

"i'm human," and you've been told otherwise so many times it's been hard to keep track, and this revelation made your heart fucking stop, and-

"Yeah," someone says, a voice other than your own speaking up after what seems like millennia, "you're human. We all are."

and they sound so sure that you want to believe them, but you don't know what to do or think or say anymore, you're just so _tired._

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at 3AM while trying to distract myself from the inevitability of death
> 
> the kid's sprite was Very Terrible™ at answering questions and their first guardian thing hates em for 'destroying the planet they were supposed to protect' so they went out of their way to make the kids feel like shit
> 
> which is partly why the kid keeps insisting and doubting they're human


End file.
